They hurt. They make you feel violated and without control."Deirdre sighed. "My brain tells me the same, Joey, but I feel so ... I feel dirty. Plus, I...can't be with men anymore. When I'm alone in a room with a man I panic. I don't go to parties. I rarely eat out. They all think I'm screwy. How can you want a girl who's afraid of you?"Now, Joey's eyes showed real anger. "How can you say that? How can you say you are afraid of me? Did I ever do anything to make you afraid of me? Deirdre, that's. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and stared around the street. No one was out. Good. I needed to go somewhere and think. Clear my head. Everything was too sharp and bright, so I stumbled down the street.The pain ebbed away to a kind of hollow numbness. I couldn’t get the image of my brother sliding up Bethany’s body out of my mind. The repetitive sound of Joe’s squeaky bed rang endlessly in my ears. He was fucking my best friend. She wanted him more than she wanted me.Tears still. "I'm going to show all of you some things so we can legitimately call this "extra instruction" even though no one is going to know you've been here tonight except you and me," he said."You girls might wonder why I'm not using a condom with you tonight," Rob said, but Amy quickly interrupted and said, "No, Mr. Williams, we all decided before we came over that we were going to do you bareback. No fucking condoms for us -- and if we get pregnant, great. No problem. I know me, Rhonda, and Ashley. I live upstairs from where she works, and I have taken my clothes there every week for three years. We usually flirted, but one of us always had a partner, so we never took it seriously. We live in a small college town, and when the students go home for the holidays, the town loses half its population. The week leading up to the break was filled with parties as people try to sneak in one last drunken fling before weeks spent with non-fuckable family members. Amy and I saw each other at a lot of.
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