It’s just that I have to have them.”“You really believe that, don’t you?”“It’s the way it is. I don’t choose to be like this. It’s t...e way I am.” Sue just looked at me waiting for me to reply but I said nothing and just looked back at her. After a while, she continued, “I know you pretend to hate it but I know that you actually enjoy it. It makes you horny. You get turned on by it.”“No, I don’t. It sickens me and I feel disgusted by the thought of you being with other men.”“That’s what you say. I said ‘let us a have a beer, are you game’. She said ‘yeah sure’.So I got two beers and we got down to chatting. She then said ‘hey, let us play rummy, yaar. It will be fun.’ I said ‘let’s do that’. We always used to play rummy as a family and it was always a game where we had the most fun, riling each other, etc.So, we moved to my bedroom. This is where we always had our card sessions, sitting on the bed. We took our beers and were joking about lots of things and moved to the bedroom. I. Through 48 years of marriage he never saw her age, even though each morning he saw more of his father’s face in the mirror then he did his own. Each daybreak he awoke to gaze into the eyes of the 26 year old girl he fell in love with and married so long ago. Looking at her now he finally saw all those years and the toll it had taken on her. Perspective also has a way of tempering the past when you look back. Theirs had been as close to a fairy tale as you could hope for. There had been bumps,. I began to almost look forward to when he came to me. I feel sick thinking about it now. This lasted for multiple years, and through multiple abusers. Some were much older, some weren’t related to me, and some were nearly the same age I was. Sometimes they knew about each other, sometimes they didn’t. But I just let it happen, maybe that’s why they all tried, maybe the first guy told the rest that I wouldn’t fight back, I don’t know, it doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t know how to explain it to.
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