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It seemed they all happened at once, directly behind me. I spun in my tracks.I’ve heard people describe events like this with words like ‘everythi...g went into slow motion,’ and then they describe in great detail everything they saw. I can’t honestly say I saw anything that my brain could process quickly enough to comprehend. But my body seemed to act without me. Even after the fact, all I could put together was that a woman was falling into the street, a bus was coming, and as I grabbed her and. But, sadly, it's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently. I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It's my burden, and some days, I truly do struggle with it. The words are just words, i can say "I'm sorry" a billion times a day, and it wouldn't make any difference. No amount of "I'm sorry" can bring you back, or take away the pain that I've caused. The only "I'm sorry" that really. When I opened my eyes I was sitting up in Martha's bed. Martha slept beside me, unmoving. I was not panting or trembling, but I felt creepy. There was a loud rush of blood in my brain. My heart was not beating fast; but my pulse in my chest was like a hard thud.I lay back. But after a few minutes I knew I wouldn't fall asleep again. I got out of bed and saw the clock on Martha's night table as I walked from the room. 2:48 a.m. I took a cold glass bottle of milk from the refrigerator and drank. When I push them away, do they see me as a tease or do they see the pain in my eyes of a woman still in love with another man? When I lie alone in my bed, with darkness all around me, I can hear your breathing – feel your lips on mine, feel you moving down my body searching out all the hidden places. Brushing against the swell of my nipples as they respond under the touch of tender hands… but they are not your hands, are they? Never yours, only mine. As I am forced to respond to the growing.
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