"Oh God, NO!" I was up now on my feet and hysterical. "NO!" I shouted with righteous indignation at the top of my lungs. "Please God. Please." I was t...ld later that I had been clutching my belly. I remember feeling sick, very sick to my stomach, like I was going to vomit and pass out. That would have been a blessing, but I didn't. "What did I do to deserve this?" I looked at Gary, "Gary? Please help me. I can't live like this. You all went back. What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I have a. Never changing, always ending the same, and yet it still shocks you. You never expect it regardless of knowing the outcome. And it's never easy. Why should it? It was what changed your whole life in the first place...The digital alarm clock brakes you out of your sleep, still dreamless, still uneventful. You reach for the accused technology on your nightstand and slam the snooze button. As you lay there, you contemplate going back to sleep, but what good would that do? Five more minutes of. ‘I mean he’s pretty open to having lots of different girls suck him off.’ She laughed again. ‘And I really, really want to help you as much as I can – we all do.’ I was ready to bite, but like Janice would say ‘no teeth!’ and started in ‘But how…? I mean when…?’ ‘Well whenever I guess.’ Pause. ‘But I do wonder if…well, let me think for a second.’ Pause. ‘Wonder if, you know, John would approve.’ Longer pause. ‘I mean I don’t want to get in trouble for changing a therapy plan. And what if. I had the affair. I’m the one who put our marriage in this life long turmoil. But most of all, I still had strong feelings for Sophie. Even if we had arguments, which was pretty regular, I knew she was always there. We might have even been in different rooms but I didn’t miss her. I knew she was just two rooms away. It’s funny when you think about it. Sometimes it was like two strangers living in the same house. But it felt secure. We pretty much learned to live with each other’s faults. Damn,.
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